Saturday, March 21, 2009
Do you feel my pain??
Like most parents, I try to provide a better life and better opportunities for my daughter. It's not that my life was bad. It wasn't bad at all. It's just that I wanted to give my daughter more. My daughter is my only child. She will be 15 years old on the 25th. All her life I have given her the best of everything and whatever she wants. My daughter is an excellent student and goes to the best schools. She is never in trouble and never causes trouble. I feel like I couldn't ask for a better child. So I figure, why not give it to her. I have provided her with many opportunities and experiences. She has done more and owned more in her 15 years than I have in my life time. The problem is this. In the past couple of years, I have come to the realization that I have created a monster. This was never my intent. I figured if I had or could do it, why tell her no. I don't like to make her wait so she gets it when she wants it. She is still a good student and never gives me problems. However, she thinks my bank account is a never-ending flow of cash. She even has her own credit cards linked to my accounts. I can go on for days. Parents never realize the monsters they create until it is staring them in the face. To make matters worst, my boyfriend is just as bad as me or worst with giving her what she wants or her way. How can I teach her that her reality is not "the reality"? Am I in this alone? Share your pain.
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When I was growing up my mother told me that she would get me just about anything I wanted as long as I did well in school. Society has also reinforced my mother's statement by giving tens of thousands of scholarship money to prospective college students who excel academically. It is then further reinforced when these students enter the workforce and are wooed by companies and given sign on bonuses. Then as they out perform their co-workers they are given monetary awards for their exceptional service. An an educator I firmly believe that the parents are a child's first teacher and as long as the parents explain to them that they are receiving these items that extend beyond there basic needs because of their good citizenship and academic performance-- and the parents can afford it -- then why not. Now what sickens me is when parents shower their children with gifts and the child has done nothing to deserve. I have a friend now who takes her son a new pair of tennis almost every week while he is locked up in a juvenile detention center. I can't stress enough that the child must understand that if their performance in any area -academics/citizenship- declines then their must be consequences. In society if your performance declines on your job you can be demoted or fired. Another point I want to stress is that the parents must be able to afford it. If you're shopping with the money for your mortgage or car note than that's a problem. One thing you can do to teach some financial responsibility is to have your child go half on an item they want. My teenagers loved the "go half concept". If I know they already have 5 pairs of tennis and they just wanted a purple and green pair to go with the one purple and green shirt they have and they were doing what they were suppose to be doing in school and in the community then I would offer to go half. Friday we went shopping and I was prepared to purchase them each one pair of shoes and one of my daughters used her allowance towards the purchase of a second pair. That's also how you find out if its something they really want. When we go on a shopping trip I give them their spending money up front to purchase what they want. Most of the time they come home with more than half of what you gave them; however if they have to come to you for every purchase you will end up spending alot more. I love spoiling my children-- do they always derserve - no- but they are good girls.
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